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Типичные ошибки родителей, когда ребенка дразнят

Теоретически каждый родитель намерен поддерживать своих детей. Но на практике многие папы и мамы совершают распространенные ошибки, которые сводят на нет даже самую искреннюю поддержку.
Ошибка 1. Игнорировать жалобы ребенка. Не отмахивайтесь от него общими фразами типа: «Обзови его тоже», «Дай сдачу» ... Это обесценивает чувства ребенка. Услышьте его, посочувствуйте, поддержите словами и объятиями. Дайте ему алгоритм поведения в различных неприятных ситуациях.
Ошибка 2. Переубеждать ребенка, что все хорошо. Ему ведь плохо! И его чувства усугубляются из-за недопонимания между вами. Ему важно позволить пережить эту боль и печаль в вашем присутствии. В противном случае, сын или дочь могут закрыться, перестать делиться с вами, даже потерять веру в себя.
Запоздалые пустые убеждения «ты у нас самый лучший, умный, сильный» - не работают, ведь ребенок уже может оценить, что это не так, что, на самом деле, он не справляется. Это путь к потере доверия.
Если вы хотите научиться правильно поддерживать ребенка, обязательно прочтите статью «Как правильно поддерживать ребенка».
Ошибка 3. Устраивать разборки с обидчиком. Это учит агрессии и некорректно без участия родителей противоположной стороны. Вместо этого уделите ребенку время, проявите свои чуткость и внимательность, чтобы помочь ему научиться самому решать свои проблемы. Вспомните техники активного слушаний, задайте уточняющие вопросы. Чем конкретнее ребенок поймет проблему, тем быстрее сможет найти путь к решению. Рассмотрим, как реагировать, если ребенка дразнят, на примере: мальчик пришел со школы и пожаловался: «мама, меня сегодня дразнили.
- Что случилось? - спрашиваю я у него.
- Они смеялись, что у меня на пенале нарисована коала.
- И что в этом такого?
- Ну, что это пенал для маленьких.
- А у них что изображено?
- Машинки там всякие, супергерои...
- И ты что ответил?
- Ничего... Они посмеялись немного и ушли...»
Вот, как можно отреагировать на рассказ своего ребенка.
Помогите оценить ситуацию объективно, признав, что особенность есть: «да, действительно твой пенал еще с прошлого года, и сейчас ты наверняка выбрал бы другой. Но пенал - это просто вещь. Он ничего о тебе не говорит. Ты это ты. Наоборот, если ты пользуешься таким пеналом и не стесняешься, то это очень по-взрослому.»
Помогите понять, почему другие люди могут дразнить: «необычные вещи непривычны. И иногда люди дразнятся, если видят что-то непривычное. Но они не всегда осознают, что это обидно. Иногда они действительно хотят обидеть. Иногда нет. Как ты думаешь, хотел ли одноклассник тебя обидеть?» Подскажите, что можно делать в таких ситуациях: использовать все ту же беспроигрышную фразу: «Кто как обзывается, тот сам так называется». Или честно сказать: «Мне неприятно, когда ты так говоришь, ты же мой друг». Или предложить прекратить: «Отстань! Заняться больше нечем, только мой пенал обсуждать».
Почему дети делают это?
Можно разделить причины на три основные категории:
Выражение негативных чувств:
Плохие или неприятные слова используются для выражения своей злости, отчаяния, ревности. Нет ничего страшного в этом, ведь ребенок не вполне осознает значение этих слов, лишь понимает, что они носят негативный окрас. Но если вдруг ребенок адресует эти слова вам, даже в порыве гнева, очень важно его остановить!
Для собственного удовольствия:
Да, очень часто дети дразнятся просто из желания повеселиться. Родителей это может повергнуть в ужас: что веселого в обзывательствах? Но стоит помнить, что в раннем возрасте дети еще недостаточно чувствуют боль других, их нравственные представления в процессе становления, а эмпатия (способность сочувствовать) носит неустойчивый характер. Все эти качества начинаются формироваться у детей только ближе к подростковому периоду. Поэтому так важно запрещать ребенку обзывательства в качестве правила: «Такое говорить нельзя», и не ждать, что ребенок сам осознает, какую боль он причиняет другому своими словами.
Плохая привычка:
Если ребенку позволяют обзываться и не останавливают его, если родители придерживаются детоцентричного воспитания. К сожалению, сейчас распространено много мифов о том, что «ребенку нужно не мешать выражать свои чувства», в какой бы форме они не выражались.

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ТОГБУ «Центр поддержки семьи и помощи детям им. А.В. Луначарского»
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